


Give me all of this, I mean confidence in myself

by AnnabelleRowan



Category: Psycho-Pass
Genre: Bullying, Fake/Pretend Relationship, High School, M/M, Underage Drinking, ppsecretsanta, ppsecretsanta2014
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-12-24
Updated: 2014-12-24
Packaged: 2018-02-28 12:12:30
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,244
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2732036
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AnnabelleRowan/pseuds/AnnabelleRowan
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"Kogami” he says “we are in a fake relationship! You can't fake blow me for our three month anniversary. No one will see that, there's no use!" or did Kogami maybe plan to blow him in front of everyone? That one just wouldn't work out. Not for all the bullies in the world, Gino thinks.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Give me all of this, I mean confidence in myself

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Jordie](https://archiveofourown.org/gifts?recipient=Jordie).



> Hi Jordie! Merry Christmas! Or anything else that you're celebrating :) I had no intention of writing anything like this when I first singed up, but then I saw your headcanon and just thought 'Oh this. This is nice. Very nice.'  
> I hope you'll like it :))

"It's not fair." Gino thinks. "It's not fair, it's not fair, not fucking fair." Why do things like this keep happening to him?

He watches as Kogami pours another glass, then gives up and takes a sip right from the bottle. His Adam's apple bobs up as he swallows.

"Here." Kogami hands him the bottle.

It's freezing outside, but Kogami isn't wearing gloves. Their fingers brush and Gino just keeps on going with the litany in his head, a procession of 'it's-not-fairs' and 'fucks' in his mind. He’s already drunk too much and if he's not careful, he'll start chanting it out loud.

It’s the night right after Christmas, and for some reason or another that Gino does not remember or care about much, they've ended up sitting on the roof of the building – the high school they'll be graduating from next summer. Both with highest grades, both, as Kogami just informed him, applying for work at the Public Safety Bureau.

Gino thinks back to the day he first saw Kogami - tall, with untamed black hair and shoulders that were wide enough for two boys their age. He felt a pang of sadness while he thought “ _Well here's the one who's actually going to punch me_.” Kogami looked like he could do it - beat someone up, but afterwards keep his hue clear. Or clear enough. Unlike Gino's father.

Gino takes another sip from the bottle. The sharp taste of alcohol is lost on his already numbed tongue.

Later Gino found out just how right he’d been - Kogami not only boxed for the fun of it, but really did beat someone up. Not him though, like Gino had expected, but instead one of his especially nasty bullies. He found them behind the school one afternoon just as they cornered Gino and yelled about his father being a latent criminal, his mother a whore and how Gino should just do everyone a favour and kill himself.

Suddenly a fist collided with the head of the boy who was screaming 'Whore!' and he fell to the ground.

So, okay maybe it was not beating up as much as a well-placed punch, but the rest of the group fell apart screaming and running in all directions.

"You okay?" Kogami asked him, looking up from the boy on the ground.

Gino was too stunned to answer.

Kogami, and that, exactly _that_ was the moment Gino should've run away, but obviously didn't - Kogami smiled and offered his hand.

"I'm Kogami, by the way, I don't think we’ve ever properly met."

Gino shook his hand on reflex.

"Ginoza Nobuchika." he said weakly.

"Did I scare you?!" Kogami asked, disbelief creeping into his voice. It sounded like he, for some reason, expected more from Gino.

It made his blood run again. If only it hadn't.

"No." Gino smiled back and shook his head. "Should we report this though?" he asked pointing at the still unconscious boy at their feet.

"I'm telling only if you are." Kogami said conspiratorially.

Gino noticed they were still holding hands.

Everything went downhill from there - they started going home together after school, studying together at the library, Kogami taught Gino a few boxing moves, Gino talked to him about his father.

He should've expected it when one of his bullies, well ex-bullies now, passed them in the hallway and yelled "Attention, attention, love birds coming through!"

Gino felt all the blood leave his face because it was true – in the few months they’d known each other he’d fallen for Kogami. Although, if he was perfectly honest with himself, he’d fallen for him the very moment Kogami had smiled at him after knocking out that bully. It was a normal reaction to stressful situations, Gino used to tell himself while he got himself off thinking about it, completely normal.

What wasn't normal though, was the way Kogami reacted now - instead of punching someone again, he took Gino's hand in his and turned.

"Jealous?" he asked loudly and someone down the hall catcalled.

Shock was written all over the bully's face and some of the students standing by laughed. Then everyone proceeded to go their way.

Gino felt a strong sense of Deja vu when he looked down - he and Kogami were still holding hands.

"Um," he managed.

"Well I thought this was a perfect opportunity. Now they have nothing to tease you about. See you after school?" Kogami said, perfectly calm, and squeezed his hand a little before letting go.

"Yeah." Gino answered, his throat dry.

„ _Now they have nothing to tease you about._ “ he replayed the sentence in his mind. Oh. Kogami was too generous. He’d saved him once before, and now he was doing it again - if they had denied being together or made a fuss about it, bullies would've known they had found another of Gino’s weak spots. This way, if they pretended to be a couple the bullies would leave them alone.

Really too generous, Gino thought as he locked himself in a bathroom stall and tried to breathe again. He’d fucked up so badly. He had to calm down, or he would end up like his father - crazy and locked up for good. Not that thinking about his father ever helped him calm down.

"Fuck. Fuck, fuck, fuck!" Gino thought, his fist clenched so tightly he felt his fingernails cutting through his skin.

It all went uphill from there. Well, uphill mostly because Gino was sure he’d touched the very bottom and now, like a drowned body, had to float up to the surface again.

Maybe it really did go uphill - Kogami was very casual about the whole thing - they continued their usual routine, except now holding hands while walking somewhere and kissing before going their separate ways.

Sometimes kissing even when there was no one around, but Gino was sure Kogami did it only to keep up appearances, to keep himself in the right headspace.

Headspace quite different from his, Gino suspected, because where Kogami had to make himself kiss him, Gino had to make sure he didn't go too far, used too much tongue, looked too breathless afterwards.

It was an agony. One he still fairly enjoyed, but that was slowly driving him mad. He had to think about his hue. He had to make sure he did not end up like his father.

So his big plan to resolve all the problems was to break up. Well, to fake break up. He’d planned to do it before Christmas so they could, or well he, considering he was the only one who would really be hurting, have some time for themselves. Himself. Whatever.

Kogami had of course had no sympathies for his careful planning, and had left a week early to visit his grandma in the country side.

So Gino planned to tell him after Christmas. And here they were - drunk, half frozen and with Kogami informing him he wanted to apply for Public Safety Bureau job too.

"That way we won't be apart." he said happily. Gino wanted to punch him.

"After you confessed to me right before I left for my nana's place I thought about it a lot, and I think it's great - you are smart and well, I know how to punch people. We'll be partners and we'll be the best." he said with stupid grin on his face.

Gino stopped himself short from saying his usual "You are smart too." line. Kogami knew he was. His points proved it. And it was not like Gino didn't know how to defend himself anymore. He’d trained quite a lot lately and it was starting to show. That’s why he’d finally felt confident enough to tell Kogami his plans for after graduation. He wanted to become Inspector. Not to make his father proud, but to prove him wrong.

And that's where he is now - thinking about the past, thinking how all this came to be. He feels like blaming his father, but instead of blurring his thoughts, the alcohol made them clearer and he knows that no matter how much he would like to, he really brought this one on himself.

"Let's break up." he says out loud.

Bottle is back in Kogami's hands, on his lips, lips that Gino had a chance to kiss quite few times, and it makes him sick to think about it now. He _used_ Kogami. He is no better than those people who used to bully him.

"What!?" Kogami yelps as he almost drops the bottle.

"I mean," Gino clarifies, the alcohol making his thoughts clear, but his mouth no so much apparently, "let's fake break up."

"What are you taking about Gino?" Kogami asks stepping closer to him.

"You know. This whole thing." Gino waves his hand in general direction. "You are so generous, but you don't have to do it anymore."

"Do what!?" Kogami asks, tangible panic in his voice. "You had too much to drink. Gino, put the bottle down."

He then proceeds to look down at his own hands holding the bottle.

"Oh." he says surprised. "Maybe I'm the one who drank too much. It almost sounded as if you were saying something about breaking up with me." he giggles at that, and it’s super weird because Kogami normally doesn’t giggle at all.

"Right when I thought we're finally ready for the third base. I meant it to be your Christmas present, you know?" he continues, apparently ignoring Gino's shocked face. Or maybe by now Gino's face is too frozen to show any emotions.

"Um, you wanted to blow me for Christmas?" he asks, even though he didn't mean to, because that's not the biggest problem in this whole mess. Or maybe it is.

"Well, we _have been_ together for what, 3 months now? I thought maybe.. You know. If you wanted." Kogami says shyly except he doesn't look shy. He looks bold with his red cheeks (that's from the cold, Gino reasons) and bright eyes looking directly at Gino.

Him slightly swaying to the side partly ruins the effect, but there are more important things to talk about, Gino reminds himself.

Like why does Kogami thinks they have milestones to celebrate. Or well, three months milestones? Are those a thing? Fake milestones okay, but Kogami sounds all too sincere. Gino will have to draw it for him apparently.

"Kogami” he says “we are in a fake relationship! You can't fake blow me for our three month anniversary. No one will see that, there's no use!" or did Kogami maybe plan to blow him in front of everyone? That one just wouldn't work out. Not for all the bullies in the world, Gino thinks.

The shock that blossoms across Kogami's face sobers Gino in a second. He knows he fucked up somewhere. Again.

"Gino. You.. You think? I'm pretending to be with you? You think I'm faking this? Why?!" Kogami sounds.. hurt. Every alarm in Gino's head goes off. This is not how it was supposed to go. Gino was supposed to be the one hurt here!

"Um, because you wanted to stop them from bullying me again? When that guy called us out in the hallway?" he explains weakly.

"Wow." Kogami bends a little as to look at Gino like he sees him first time in his life.

"Wow." he repeats. "This is fucked up."

"Yeah." Gino hurries to agree.

"Yes. No, I mean, you are fucked up." Kogami explains.

Gino almost smiles at that. Everything is good - he's still getting hurt in the end.

It's like Kogami can read his mind when he takes the few steps that separate them and puts his hands on Gino's shoulders.

"I didn't mean it like that. I meant - have you seriously been with me all this time and thought I was pretending to be with you just for your benefit? That I was holding your hand and hugging you, and sleeping with my head in your lap, that I was kissing you and.. and wanking off thinking about you just so some stupid kids wouldn't call you a loser? Really Gino."

When it's all put like that and with Kogami right in front of him, it does sound a bit stupid.

"Um, partly?" Gino tries, looking at his feet.

He hears Kogami's sharp intake of breath and then feels cold hands on his face, lifting it up.

"Jesus Gino." Kogami says and kisses him.

Gino's lips are numb from the cold and alcohol, but that just helps him melt into the kiss.

Kogami's lips are unexplainably warm and soft, his tongue tentatively licking Gino's lips as if waiting for permission.

And now, when Gino knows this is real, when he feels stupid, when he feels angry for all the past kisses he missed out on, he opens his mouth to Kogami, eagerly sucking on his tongue, kissing back with all the enthusiasm he denied himself before.

He sucks Kogami's bottom lip between his and then bites it a little. The moan Kogami produces goes straight to his groin.

Kogami is obviously experiencing the same reactions, because he pulls back and in a raspy voice says

“Um, about my present, I'll happily deliver whenever, but maybe it would be better if we were somewhere warm?"

Gino panics just thinking about all the meaning behind his words, but still laughs, happy like he hasn't been in a long time.

"I'm going only if you are." he says grinning and takes Kogami's hand.

**Author's Note:**

> Title from (really badly misheard) 'Wicked Games' by The Weeknd - the song set me on a right track, but then I was like 'It's Christmas! Let's write something (relatively) happy!'.
> 
> As always - my beta B takes all the credit for making this readable :*


End file.
